start to listen

yesterday i was reading a devotion thing and it was about asking God to speak to us...but more importantly to help us to listen as well. this really hit me. dont just speak but help me listen. so many times i ask God to speak to me, give me some wisdom, tell me what to do but then i dont listen to his response. sometimes because i dont want to hear the response or i just forget to open my ears. i think i tend to do this a lot. im so involved in how i want it to turn out and that i plan it going one way and i ask God for help but i dont wait around to hear his input. i just think mine is the one that is right. ive got 2 ears i just need to start using them. its not easy...in fact it is one of the biggest things i struggle with. i need to learn to listen. the answers may come through a gentle whisper (1 kings 19:12). through a friend who is looking out for my best interest. whatever it may be...i need to open my ears and listen to what it is God has to say

queen of procrastination

right now i am the queen of procrastination. i have a ginormous test tomorrow night and i am doing just about anything to prevent from studying for it...as to be blogging right now. i know i havent blogged in a while as to life has been insane. its hard to even get a moment to breath. right now i need focus.

AHHHH help!!!

awesome weekend!!!

i dont think i could have asked for a better weekend!! everything in student ministry went so smooth. starting saturday afternoon. the band all got there and practiced. slide were done in a good amount of time. by 3:30 everything for that night was already set up and ready to go...no glitches thank goodness. danny led the band which was awesome. i got the privilege of singing with them which was awesome. then students began to pour in for the services. i was so excited to see that there was 91 students for the high school service...and not to mention the fact that we had like 45 students at winter camp. matt did a phenomenal job teaching. i miss hearing him so it was like a breath of fresh air this weekend. so saturday--to say the least--went rather smoothly. sunday morning went well too. we had a good amount of students. i became kyle johnson this weekend because i had to do slides during the 2nd and 3rd service so we hooked up a mic upstairs so i could do both. it was great! even with our lack of leaders we managed to have a leader for every table. nestor did a great job too. thanks to all those who helped this weekend...jeremy doing an amazing job in sound, patti with all she did, jamie with the doughnuts, amy and her help with western sizzlin announcement (in our amazing western voices, hey ya'll), and everyone else. this weekend wouldnt have gone the way it did without everyone stepping up since chad, holly, and carson was gone. thanks for the prayer...God really helped in just making everything as smooth as possible. awesome weekend!!!

suprise suprise

so today i received an unexpected gift. im at work and a delivery guy shows up with a beautiful bouquet of roses...for me. suprised would be the least of my expressions. i love the flowers but am unaware of the sender. for now i guess it will remain a mystery. suprises brighten the darkest days

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all shapes and sizes

so im beginning to learn that the lesson of maturity comes in all different ways. whether you want it to happen or not, it does. it's called growing up. in some aspects of my life i would love to have stayed a kid forever. i wouldnt have to worry about responsibilities of "being an adult" (bills, insurance, etc). no such luck. im growing up and im getting all the lovely treasures that go with it. last night was one huge realization of me growing up...i watched as the high school youth left for winter camp. this is the first year of me not going. as hard as it was hearing the "oh i wish you were going" and "are you having wishful thinking" i managed. it is a bummer to not be able to go and watch as students experience a time separate from the outside world and just God focused. but at the same time i am extremely excited about this weekend. i get to be holly/carson for the weekend. i am very honored that they have left this responsibility to me. it means a lot. so while i may not have been able to go to winter camp i have been given another adventure to undertake. i pray that everything goes smoothly and that everyone at camp has a great time. ill let ya know how this weekend goes.

im excited!

hardcore rebels

so yesterday i went and did something completely impuslive. carson and i went and got our cartilages pierced. we talked about it saturday and ended up going on sunday. how crazy is that?!? the drive there was nuts. it was full of insane nervousness, never ending laughter and complete excitement. when we got there we both got so quiet. we would say something and then just sat there breathing. finally the guy called us back. i went first. he put on his headphones and just started jamming out. so i sat there, nervous as can be, and closed my eyes. after a couple minutes i was done and walked out. carson was up next. i watched for a second but couldnt. all i heard was her say "this is horribly painful". in the end we both were finished with our brand new piercings and ride home not believing that we had done it. im going to change the stud to a smaller one but for now its ok. carson and i now have a story...we are hardcore rebels. haha. here are some pics of us afterwords.

never ending

this picture is an image of what my life feels like at the moment. it is like a never ending road. it just keeps going and going and i cant see where it stops. tonight was the first night in several where i just stayed home and relax (and that isn't something i normally do on a friday night). work has been insane and im there past when im suppose to every day. not to mention school has started up so add that to my plate. as my dad would say, "im getting a taste of the real world". the world we live in is crazy. like shop till ya drop its work until you cant work anymore. i realized these past 2 weeks that i have been getting so busy that i have been forgetting the little things like contact with close friends. i finally planned a get together for my old homegroup (jenn's homegroup!!!!!) for us all to go to dinner. so far everyone is going. im so excited. these girls have been there for me and always been straight up with me when they had to. it is awesome how God places people in your life just when you need them the most.

well i have got to go...big day.
peace.

summoned to lead

im in the process of reading this book called summoned to lead. when i say in the process i mean i started reading it a couple months ago and im only on page 14. lets just say i havent had a lot of time to read it. something that really stuck out to me was this...

"leaders are neither born nor made. leaders are summoned. they are called into existence by circumstances. those who rise to the occasion are leaders."

i never thought about it this way before i read this. "leaders are summoned"...God summons us to lead in different circumstances. ive seen people be leaders and followers. for me i have felt for sometime that God has been calling me to lead the youth first impressions team. i have been trying to do that. i know i havent given it my 100% attention at the moment because honestly my plate is very full. also to be honest...im afraid of failing. every leader that has attempted to make this team work hasnt. i dont want to be another one of those leaders. i know that i cant focus on that because if i do i will never get anywhere. i just need ideas and a kick in the rear end to get me going.

i need some creativity!!!!!!!!!!!! got any?

a new direction??

so i took a leap of faith and decided to play keys in big church this weekend. i think fear has been a big part of my decision not to play there. it was weird how right after i decided to not be in the youth band anymore i get asked to play this weekend in big church. it was very tempting to say no and not give it a chance but then it would be like putting the talents God has given me in the garbage. i dont want to do that. He has blessed me with them so i'm going to try them out in big church. i dont know how it will go or anything...i pray that i do well and dont get too nervous.

this is a big step for me. i dont know what is going to happen or if i'll hate it and never want to do it again. i feel very privileged that they want me to play. it all is to give glory to God and that is what i intend to do. we'll see how it goes.

later ya'll.

Im blogging from my phone. How cool is that?!?

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lettting go

i'm finally letting go. for a while i have been holding onto the youth band. i loved singing and playing keys so i stayed in it. after realizing some stuff i decided to step down. last night i sent an email saying that this weekend would be my last. this isn't something easy for me. as much as i love it and dont want to, i had to. my high school days are over. im not going to play for the big church band either...im not a good enough singer and for what they want to play keys im not there. so this is the end of my band days. ill continue to praise and worship from the sidelines. its not easy letting go and it will hurt at first but im hoping that ill get over it soon.

hopes fallen

have you ever gotten your hopes up about something and then had them shot down? that just happened to me. i guess i should have expected it...known it was going to happen. but no, i got my hopes up and now im bummed. i thought with everything i had been doing that maybe. now i just have to hold my head high and get over it. man...right now is the dumps