"not what i wanted"

tonight was a pretty crappy night. "it's not what i want" were the words that sum it up.

well heres what i want:
someone who realizes what he has when he has me
someone who realizes that im ok with him hanging with his friends
someone who realizes that you can take things day by day and not worry about the future right now
someone who realizes im stronger than you think
someone who is willing to take a risk and see how things might work out
someone who isnt afraid to show his feelings
someone who takes the time to call
someone who isnt afraid to be honest with me
someone who stops caring about what his boys think
somoone who realizes that you can have your boys and a girlfriend too
someone who wouldnt even think about hurting me
someone who has his heart set on God
someone who takes a chance
someone who makes an effort
someone who cares

relationships are never easy. they take work...but you have to be willing to work at them. you get annoyed with one another, you fight, but thats what makes it worthwhile. im not an expert at relationships...thats probably why im not in one anymore. but i know what i want and God has that person for me. i just have to wait

i know this blog is probably a little direct and maybe a bit harsh. its not meant to be. this is just my release of some steam.

sorry i wasnt what you wanted

oh wise one

so tonight i was talking to a pretty smart chick (ms sarah l) and as we were talking she said how with any relationship you have to communicate...you cant just hold it in and then have it all bust out later on. whether it be a friendship,dating, or family. this has always been a struggle with me...especially with those im closest with (like my family). im not the biggest communicater. when it comes to talking about things i would rather bottle it in and not face it. its really not good. so now im trying to be able to communicate with others in a way where im not arguing but instead talking it out. its not easy whatsoever but im trying. i hope that when i am doing so it goes smoothly.

rachel + communication = super hard

"party scene"

ive never been a part of the "party scene". drinking and smoking was never something that interested me. i just never thought it was necessary because i always had an awesome time without it. the world sees way differently. as i see the seniors of 08 start leaving for college i pray that they learn that they dont have to take that route. so many friends of mine have fallen in their spiritual walk because they decide that they would rather get drunk and "have fun". that being a christian is having too many rules in life. its not about rules. its wanting to live life God's way. you choose to make the right decisions even when you want to turn the other way and know that in the end God will reward you with something greater than the night you got drunk and had some "fun". life just passes you by when you do those things. i dont comprehend why everyone thinks it is so cool. maybe im just a nerd or something. maybe i just hope that people will realize that it isnt necessary and is kinda ridiculous. the world continues to conform to the way of the devil and fall further away from the way God planned.
how many more students will we lose because partying seems to be the more fun route?
when will people begin to change and learn to live God's way even when it isn't the "norm"?


well i think its time to try and hit the sack again. these are my thoughts at 5AM when i cant sleep