forgive yourself

romans 5:3-4
we can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us -- they help us learn to endure. and endurance develops strength of character in us.

right now i am learning to endure. these past couple weeks have been the hardest i've ever gone through. a little explanation...i made a really really really dumb decision and am having to deal with the consequences. im not going to get into details. because of my stupid choices i lost the things that matter to me the most--leading the worship band, helping out at church, in theRUSH, my reputation. i screwed up...i feel like i should be the poster girl for ivescrewedup.com. it is the worst feeling in the world to have to look at those who you've looked up to, your mentors, and have to tell them you made a mistake. to have the disappointment just be seen on their faces and to know you've not only let them down but you've let down yourself. i know God has forgiven me because he is a loving and forgiving father but people keep telling me i need to forgive myself. how do you do that? how do you forgive yourself when you know that it was your own fault that you lost everything? how do you forgive yourself when you know that you could have made the right choice but you didnt? how do you forgive yourself when you sit there apologizing to people and knowing that this didn't have to happen? if you could answer that for me maybe i could forgive myself. but i'm having a really hard time doing that. i know i'm not perfect and i'm bound to make mistakes but it doesn't make it any easier. i messed up and put myself into my own ditch. yes, i've learned my lesson...ok more like a thousand lessons. and i am developing strength of character in myself. but the situation still sucks...and there is no one to blame but myself.

so my ultimate question. how do you forgive yourself when you don't feel worthy of being forgiven?