rachelb

stuck in a rut

2010-01-07T07:49:00.000-08:00

lately i have been stuck in a rut...just lagging through life at the moment. i dont know what i want to do and dont feel as if i "fit" anywhere right now. i miss feeling passionate and on fire about something. i want to know what it is i should be doing.

the verse jeremiah 29:13 has been in my mind the past couple days
"you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

that is what i plan to do. seek God and know that he will get me out of my rut and place me where it is he wants me to be and doing what he wants me to do.

stay with me

2009-09-15T18:57:00.000-07:00

have you ever been at a time in your life when everything is going wrong and you just wish God would snap his fingers and fix everything? im at the breaking point. i know that i need to wait on God's timing, not my own, i just feel completely out of strength and fight. this song is what is getting me through this time. i just bought the new barlow girl cd and the song stay with me was exactly what i needed right now when feeling as desperate for God as I am.

how awesome is this..."if you won't take me out then please take me through this". that's my prayer right now. i'm dealing with all of this stuff now for a reason. it is completely beyond me and has been taking every ounce of strength i have but i know God is there with me and in control no matter how impossible the situation seems at the moment.

then please take me through this. stay with me.

john 20:23

2009-09-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

"if you forgive someone's sins, they're gone for good. if you don't forgive sins, what are you going to do with them?" -john 20:23

how true is that. if you don't forgive sins what will you do with them? it will eat you up but it isn't affecting the other person. i know i need to forgive but my anger is taking hold of me. i want to forgive but i don't know how to get over this. i pray for the anger to fade and for me to be able to forgive and instead love. like the verse says, if you don't forgive sins what are you going to do with them? what will i do with them - nothing...time to forgive.

beautiful ending

2009-08-07T11:06:00.000-07:00

so the other day i came across this song "beautiful ending"by barlowgirl. how many times do we let our own selfish wants come between us and God. rather than turning to the one who knows us inside and out we run to the things that only make us fall. he doesn't leave us but instead we divide ourselves from him. "so tell me what is our ending?" what is my ending? i want it to be beautiful. i want to end up in God's arms. sometimes we get so far that we don't know how to turn back but God is always there with open arms. he doesn't separate from us but instead we separate from him. i want to find myself by his side and continue to experience his beautiful love. so what is my ending? i pray for a beautiful ending.

click here for the video
Oh, tragedy
Has taken so many
Love lost cause they all
Forgot who You were
And it scares me to think
That I would choose
My life over You
My selfish heart
Divides me from You
It tears us apart

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?

Oh, why do I
Let myself let go
Of hands that painted the stars
And hold tears that fall?
And the pride of my heart
Makes me forget
It's not me but You
Who makes the heart beat
I'm lost without You
And dying from me

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?
Will my life
Find me by Your side?
Your love is beautiful
So beautiful

At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?
Will my life
Find me by Your side?
Your love is beautiful
So beautiful

whatever you have done, whatever you have become, it doesn't matter. please come home

2009-08-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

this past weekend I heard a message on the prodigal son. with the things I've gone through recently, I heard it in a completely new light. the 4 major points described God as a God who loves us...
1. when we make foolish choices
2. when we fail
3. while he waits for our return
4. when we come home
that was me. making stupid decisions, failing and trying to find my way back home. I think everyone at one point or another goes through that. it may be for a day, month, or even several years but he is always there waiting for us to come home. I think we sometimes get to that place where you think you can't come home anymore. that you've made too many dumb moves to make your way back.
i heard the song 'where we belong' for the first time this week. the pre-chorus says "your love is never ending, to your hands we surrender, where all our sins are washed away. your grace beyond reason, has paid for our freedom, we're made alive in you." never ending love. grace beyond reason. i don't even know how to comprehend that. it is beyond what I know or can show.
just like the father was outside waiting for the son to return, God waits for us. he waited for me. no one could force him to come home, drag him kicking and screaming the whole way. he had to come to that decision on his own. as hard as it was for the dad, knowing what his son would get into, he had to let him. God lets us make the decisions, even when he knows the outcome, that it is the wrong path, he lets us go and waits for us to return. it is our choice. he waits...that's crazy to me being as I'm such an impatient person and when I see someone falling I want to shake them until they get it but I can't. I can't save anyone just like no one could save me. I had to want to change. it's not easy and it's painful and it's hard to admit you screwed up...but God is there waiting to welcome us home

"whatever you have done, whatever you have become, it doesn't matter. please come home"

Expect the unexpected

2009-07-01T06:04:00.001-07:00

Last night I found out that someone I really care about is enlisting in the navy. Don't get me wong...I admire those who protect our country but it pulled the rug from under me so to speak. How do you deal with those who go off into the army, navy, coast guard? You want to support them but at the same time say don't leave. There are also all the things left unsaid. Do you say them or wait until the next time you see them hoping you are given the chance? I want to be supportive and to embrace this decision I just am not sure how to act right now. I'm about to lose someone who is close to me...how do you let them go? I think right now I'm more in a state of unbelief than anything. I am so proud of this person. Total shocker right now

forgive yourself

2009-06-04T11:07:00.000-07:00

romans 5:3-4
we can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us -- they help us learn to endure. and endurance develops strength of character in us.

right now i am learning to endure. these past couple weeks have been the hardest i've ever gone through. a little explanation...i made a really really really dumb decision and am having to deal with the consequences. im not going to get into details. because of my stupid choices i lost the things that matter to me the most--leading the worship band, helping out at church, in theRUSH, my reputation. i screwed up...i feel like i should be the poster girl for ivescrewedup.com. it is the worst feeling in the world to have to look at those who you've looked up to, your mentors, and have to tell them you made a mistake. to have the disappointment just be seen on their faces and to know you've not only let them down but you've let down yourself. i know God has forgiven me because he is a loving and forgiving father but people keep telling me i need to forgive myself. how do you do that? how do you forgive yourself when you know that it was your own fault that you lost everything? how do you forgive yourself when you know that you could have made the right choice but you didnt? how do you forgive yourself when you sit there apologizing to people and knowing that this didn't have to happen? if you could answer that for me maybe i could forgive myself. but i'm having a really hard time doing that. i know i'm not perfect and i'm bound to make mistakes but it doesn't make it any easier. i messed up and put myself into my own ditch. yes, i've learned my lesson...ok more like a thousand lessons. and i am developing strength of character in myself. but the situation still sucks...and there is no one to blame but myself.

so my ultimate question. how do you forgive yourself when you don't feel worthy of being forgiven?

right time for everything

2009-04-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

Ecclesiastes 3:1 - 8

¹ There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: ^{2 -8} A right time for birth and another for death, A right time to plant and another to reap, A right time to kill and another to heal, A right time to destroy and another to construct, A right time to cry and another to laugh, A right time to lament and another to cheer, A right time to make love and another to abstain, A right time to embrace and another to part, A right time to search and another to count your losses, A right time to hold on and another to let go, A right time to rip out and another to mend, A right time to shut up and another to speak up, A right time to love and another to hate, A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

timing is everything. for me, i tend to be very impatient and i want things to happen right away. i'm learning to go with God's timing. it isn't about when i want things but when God wants things to happen. i'm also learning to be more open. to try things out. last night, i attempted to put myself out there and realized that as good as something may seem on paper doesnt mean its right. i'm not rushing what God is doing. instead i'm stopping to enjoy the view and wait for his timing and not my own. i don't know what is ahead and i'm over racing to try to figure it out. he is letting it unfold day by day and i'm excited to see what is still to come

why me??

2009-04-13T06:54:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever.

This weekend for me was a rough weekend. Through that I had a moment of doubt, I let the devil get in my head and question why I'm doing what I'm doing. I doubted that I was good enough to be the band leader. At that moment I didn't see past my failures and forward to what God was about to do. We had 60 students at Sawgrass this weekend and 5 of them were baptized. That's awesome!!! Even through what I saw as my failure, God succeeded. I was challenged to look, think and pray about being relentless. I looked it up and found this definition - steady and persistent, never ceasing. NEVER CEASING! That's how I want to live for Christ in all that I do. At home, at church, in TheRush. I want to NEVER cease. To be unstoppable (as Scotty K would say). I want the band to grow together and become a united front. For them to join as a team. The verse 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 really got me yesterday as I was in my rut. I don't want to give up. I may have some troubles right now but there are joys to come. God has me where I am at for a reason and although I may not understand why, I'm going to keep doing the best job I can do and know that he will use his power to make things perfect in my weakness.

love is...

2009-04-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

love is patient and kind. love is not jealous or boastful or proud. love does not demand its own way. love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. it is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. love will last forever. -1 corinthians 13

tonight as i got to spend some quality time with my sister, we randomly started talking about relationships. the type of guy we wanted, past relationships. that sorta stuff. well as she's now off to bed i started thinking and began reading 1 corinthians. love, relationships, friendships, random strangers. how do i "love" on a daily basis? talking with her also got me thinking about the type of guy i want when i eventually get into a relationship. so here ya go...

MY STANDARDS

above all, he must be a christian. i want a guy who is a spiritual leader. who will help me to grow stronger in my walk rather than bring me down.

a friend. i want someone who isn't just a guy i like but also my best friend. jenn miller always said that before you get in a relationship with someone you need to be their friend.

confident/independent. i want a guy who is confident in what he believes and independent enough to stick up for it and not follow the crowd.

communication. someone who will listen to me and able to talk with me through the good times and the bad.

kind and compassionate. is kind not just to me but to others and shows compassion

laughter factor. someone who can make me laugh. and laughs along with me, even at my stupid corny jokes

easy-going but not a pushover. someone who can deal with me even in my bad mood and can help me to not treat others like a doormat

r-e-s-p-e-c-t. someone who respects me and my opinion. while we may not agree on everything he respects me enough to hear what i have to say.

family matters. i want a guy who can get along with my crazy wack-a-doo family. to be able to talk with my parents and hang with my sis.

these are some of the standards i want in a guy. now i also was thinking about the kind of person i want to be. here's some things i came up with:

genuine

kind

an example to others

passionate for Christ

trustworthy

honest

joyful

loving

unique

independent

sticks to my morals

i want to be the kind of person who is true to herself and isn't defined by those around me. i want to be the woman God has created me, confident in myself. i don't want to be another fad but instead a lasting creation. i want to be one-of-a-kind the way God intended me to be. i want Him to be proud of who i am.

now back to the verse, what is love? am i being an example of love? am i patient and kind, never losing faith? i want to show love but i think i have let it be on my terms rather than how God wants me to love. i pray that i can love the way Christ does, unconditionally.

how do you "love"?

Blast from the past

2009-03-30T11:06:00.001-07:00

So last night I had a late night visit from an old friend. What I thought would be an awkward encounter turned out to be an awesome time. I had thought we would never have a real conversation again and we did. I'm not sure if it was only a one time deal but it holds a glimmer of hope for that friendship again. God gives you moments and I was blessed to have that one. I pray the best for this person and hope that they know I'll always be there.
I thank God for the friendships that I had, have now, will have and the ones that may return.

i get knocked down

2009-03-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

so right now i'm listening to the song i get knocked down. it's like my theme song for this past weekend. the chorus goes: i get knocked down. but i get up again. you're never gonna keep me down. this past weekend was rough...to say the least. this weekend as i was leading worship for FRC sawgrass theRush the devil attacked and for a second it almost seemed as if he was winning. then i saw how the students were singing along and really worshipping. they didn't pay attention to what was going wrong but were actually getting involved in worship...not just one or two students but the majority. it was awesome! i got knocked down but i'm up again. i REFUSE to let the devil win and get into my heart and head and keep me down. God has placed me where i'm at for a reason and i'm going to keep doing it the best i can for him.

i get knocked down BUT I GET UP AGAIN! YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN!

perfect in weakness

2009-03-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

2 corinthians 12:9 -- but he said to me "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

this verse lately has really been on my mind the past couple weeks. after hearing about it in a staff meeting and later as i was driving home the same night, i can't seem to get it out of my head. "for my power is made perfect in weakness." wow! i tend to get bummed about my weaknesses or criticize myself. lately i've been feeling weak and defeated. i pass one obstacle and another shows up. it's so awesome to know that God takes those weaknesses and becomes powerful in them. he has been evident throughout each bump in the road. so i'm going to choose to be glad about my weaknesses because i know that God will shine through and his power will overcome the rest.

while the world sleeps...

2009-02-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

so i'm sitting here in my sisters hospital room right now as she's sleeping and i can't. it's like a bazillion things are going through my head. she's been sick and has been in the hospital now for 3 days. they still haven't figured out what is wrong with here. they're running tests and everything. yesterday i had a bit of a freak out moment (which doesn't happen very often) where all the possible what-if's ran through my mind...worse case scenarios type of deal. i'm over that now and i know that it is all in God's hands. it's hard to wait around just wondering what's going to happen. i've realized it while i've been up late at night just sitting in the hospital room tonight and last night. for me, i like to know how things are going to work out but that's not the way it is. i just need to trust that God has it all under control and through him it will all work out.

i know this...i'm just having one of my moments. well its late and time to join the rest of the world and sleep.

thoughts into the 2009...

2009-02-09T08:16:00.001-08:00

so lately different things have been running through my mind..here are some:

-how in the world do people wake up and go to the gym? i can't even wake myself up most days...and i say that i want to start waking up and go running
-praying for someone is sometimes the only interaction you'll get with that person
-letting go can be a painful process
-God presents opportunities at the most random times
-i have no idea what my future is going to hold...what am i suppose to do with the rest of my life???
-picking a major is one of the hardest things of life
-psychology is turning into one of my favorite classes - "who buys a car with no brakes"
-i love disney shows...i'm such a little kid
-i'm scared of growing up
-responsibility sucks
-i want to be "unstoppable" when living my life for Christ
-FRC sawgrass has changed me in more ways than one
-the "triangle"
-i am learning to take chances on things i never would have before
-isaiah 43:18-19
-forgiving is easier said than done
-i can weather through the toughest storms as long as Christ is my rock
-i am good enough in God's eyes
-God truly is mighty to save
-what i thought had been weakness is turning out to be strength i didn't know i had
-i truly am thankful for the experiences i've been through...they've made me into the person i am now
-remember good memories because sometimes those are all you have
-God's plan is always the best

well that's all. random but it's what goes on in my head

through the motions

2009-01-20T20:03:00.000-08:00

well its been a little while since i last wrote. life has been a bit crazy with school back in action. i sometimes feel like i'm just going through the motions....not really stopping to smell the roses. for me and the things i've been through i tend to hold grudges and don't often let things go or just brush them off. life has been pretty rough when it comes to me and my sister at the moment. a never-ending war is what it's like.

a good friend pointed out the verse isaiah 43:18-19. the niv version goes "forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. see i am doing a new thing! now it springs up; do you not percieve it?"
i like the message though "forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. i'm about to do something brand new. it's bursting out! don't you see it?"

i let myself hold onto the stupid things of the past...the fights, the hurt (i guess its a family trait at the moment). i don't want to keep having the same fights over and over again because i'm going to end up missing God's brand new something in my life. i just pray that i have the strength and patience to see up to that point.

Exactly what you wanted

2009-01-05T07:44:00.000-08:00

Why is that when you hear exactly what you thought you needed to hear
it hurts even more than before? Everyone says one thing but the
reality is completely different. How do you move on and tune out all
that is going on in your head?? Why can't it be like a switch and just
turn off or on? I want to change but my heart just isn't letting me.
Light off!!!!

Sent from my iPhone
Rachel Bonnet

the start of something new

2009-01-02T06:38:00.000-08:00

it is the start of a brand new year. hello 2009! i decided this year that i am not going to make any new year's resolutions. last year i tried that and pretty much failed. i have however made a few promises to myself. this year i want to know joy. 2008 was a pretty rough year and i don't want to have those same feelings again. i want to be genuinely happy. to experience the joy God created. we are so blessed to have another year pass and one to look forward to. also...i made the promise to take chances. to not close off opportunities in my heart and head before i give it a chance. i'm not sure what God has in store for me but if i stay close-minded i'll never know. so here's to being open-minded.
well those are a couple for now. here's to a brand new year :)

the bible to twilight

2008-12-29T23:31:00.000-08:00

tonight i went to elevate for the first time in a long time. one thing that hit me the most was what mo said about how we read the bible in comparison to girls who read twilight. girls who read twilight take it with them everywhere so wrapped in the book until they are finished reading it. i was one of those girls. i would stay up late reading until i finished. i did this for days as i read the entire series. this is how it should be when i read the bible. getting so wrapped up in the word and can't wait to read it again. i need to be more enthusiastic about reading the bible than about reading twilight. it is God's word, God's teaching to us. how stinking awesome is it that he is given us that?

so that's my challenge to myself...to read the bible the way i read twilight but even greater.

letting go

2008-12-20T19:52:00.000-08:00

the hardest part of moving on is letting go of the past. letting go of the people you knew and the good times you remember. it sucks to remember who people used to be and then see where they are now and know there is nothing you can do about it. its hard to watch them when you know the great person they can be. but you can't do anything about it. you just have to realize that these people arent the same anymore and you have to let go. so that is what i'm doing. i'm letting go and moving on with my life.
i'm trusting God with my all. even when i feel like i have nothing else to give

im back

2008-12-09T20:30:00.000-08:00

well i have been a little absentee with how crazy everything has been. but im back! for some reason...i love blogging.
so...life has been crazy! with the gift revolution and finals this week time seems to fly by. last friday i did the prayer vigil and it was awesome. i've never done a prayer vigil but it was awesome to be able to do it. i wish i was able to go on tour with the revolution rally but i can't so my prayers are with them instead. finals are a bit stressful. i've been studying my butt off and am down 2, 2 to go.
it's also really cool to see God have his hand on things in your life. this past weekend at sawgrass for preschool we didn't have our usual person for setup. we ended up setting up quicker than we ever have and as we were tearing down we had more people to help than we ever had before. it shows that when you follow God's will he provides.

life's a crazy ride right now but i know God is there through it so it makes it easier to go through.

moving forward

2008-11-22T20:49:00.001-08:00

hello readers (well if you read this). i know its been a while since i've blogged...life has just been a little crazy right now.
well. i have stopped helping out in student ministry. nothing against them or anything...i think they are all great. i just didn't feel needed anymore. i'm not the type to just sit in the back and do nothing so i decided that i needed to help out where i was needed. although student ministry is where my heart lies, i've been told that there is a season for everything. right now it doesn't lie there. i miss it tremendously but i need to go where God has placed me which at the moment is at sawgrass campus. i help out with preschool and it's awesome. so although i miss my middle school girls, i feel that God doesn't need me there at the moment. of course it's hard and making a change is never easy but it isn't about me. there is a need at sawgrass right now and i have the ability to fill it. so i'm letting go and moving forward. i'm learning to go where God needs me rather than where i want to be.

well that's it for now. i'll blog tomorrow on some exciting stuff that has happened this weekend......

zipped lips

2008-11-03T12:19:00.001-08:00

have you ever been upset where you said something you shouldn't have? i know i should have kept it to myself but i was upset so i vented to a close friend...ok two close friends. that was it. but what was surprising was they already knew. they had already heard it. well opening my mouth created some issues...just my luck. i didn't mean to get anyone in trouble that's why i never said names but i needed to vent and figure out what to do. i wasn't gossiping and telling the world, i was venting and telling my closest friends. like always things don't ever seem to turn out right for me. i didn't mean to upset anyone and i'm sorry i did. i guess they just don't realize that it hurt me more than they realized. this didn't only affect that other person but it affected me a lot. probably more than that other one. so if people stay mad, i'm sorry and that's all i can say. i can't wait to get out of this stupid craphole.

in the know

2008-10-31T10:07:00.000-07:00

somehow i find out everything. don't ask me how...i don't go asking about it i just find/figure things out. this isn't great sometimes. there are some things you want to know but at the same time don't. at this moment i found something that i needed to know but hurts me knowing. i wonder how i could've been so blind and not seen it before or if i had purposely closed my eyes because i didn't want to believe the reality. right now this completely sucks and hurts. but i guess thats life sometimes.

new hair??

2008-10-22T12:49:00.001-07:00

so i was in the mood for dying my hair and had some dye that i had bought a while ago with jules. well i guess i wasn't really thinking then or when i dyed my hair to read the box color "subtle black". it wasn't until afterwards that the light went off. i'm drying my hair and was like "oh crap! this is way too dark!!!" well i had to go babysit so in a ponytail it went until afterwards. my sister and her friend greta picked me up a reddish brown color that i attempted to re-dye my hair with...although that didn't really work. nothing goes over black. so now it's growing on me although i still think it's really dark.

oh wells. what do you think?!?

what are you reading?

2008-10-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

so right now im reading this book called identity by eric geiger. i love the way the book starts off. here it is...
"it is time to move on. it is time to move forward. i am not referring to a new job, a new address, a new relationship, or a new style of dress. it is time to move on in your faith. it is time to move forward in your relationship with God. if not...then palce the book back on the shelf. don't buy it."

there it is. plain, blunt and to the point. just the kind of book i like. i think for a while ive just been stuck. stuck in this spot where i havent been able to move on or grow. im ready to grow, move on, move forward. whether that means with this new major that im thinking about or with getting more involved at sawgrass im not completely sure. all i know is that im done sitting around hoping that life will move me. im ready to move life...if that makes any sense.
im getting out of my chair and going to move again.

what to do?!?!

2008-10-06T11:40:00.001-07:00

so last night i spent about 3 hours researching majors and trying to decide what i wanted to do for the rest of my life. this has been something ive been praying about and just trying to decide what it is i should major in. i have no clue what it is i want to do...i did assessment after assessment and didnt come up with anything. there were questions like what are you interested in and i didnt know which one to check. so after praying and just really researching and talking with one of my best friends, jules, i am contemplating the idea of majoring in physical therapy. i read this on one of the websites...

"Physical therapists should have strong interpersonal skills so that they can educate patients about their physical therapy treatments and communicate with patients’ families. Physical therapists also should be compassionate and possess a desire to help patients. "

this is an aspect of the job that intrigues me the most. i know that no matter what i do i want to be able to help people. this is a way to do it.

any feedback?!?! i need it

amazing weekend!!!!

2008-09-28T19:35:00.000-07:00

this weekend was awesome!!!! after several weeks without seeing my watsons i finally got to see them! i went over to fgcu around 5 with my travel buddy, vito. the car ride wasnt too bad since we just jammed to music the whole ride over. we got there and went to shannons dorm where i got to meet her roommates and then me sam shannon and vito went to go eat. brian came and joined us once we got there. the joys of college food. after that we all went over to town center and walked around and bought some things. they had a cool band thing playing that we got to see. then we headed back to shannons dorm to play sing-song. which is so much fun (rock band singing but without the rest of the band). shane showed up around midnight and we just chilled till around 2 and then sam and i went back to her dorm to go to sleep. well around 430 in the morning the stinkin fire alarm goes off. at first we tried to ignore it because we figured someone just set it off. and then her RA came and banged on our door and it kept going off so we finally got up and went outside. well we were outside for a half an hour before they finally let us back in. shane vito and brian all slept straight through it. how they did that i would love to know because it was sooo loud.
we woke up the next morning and went to church (it took us forever to get shane up) but me and my 3 watsons headed to summit church. it was pretty good. then afterwards we went and had breakfast/lunch in "sove". then us girls went and chilled in shannons dorm. then we went to the store with her roommates so we could make skyline. it was really good. and we got to make halloween cookies (well make some and eat some dough) and just chill while watching an amazing movie -- made of honor. then sam shannon and i met up with the 3 boys and went and had dinner at moes. yummy. afterwards we headed back to the school and shane headed out and me and vito got ready for the ride home. after saying goodbyes and about 2 hours later i am finally home. it was an awesome weekend and im so glad that i got to go. yea!!!!

goal i'm keeping

2008-09-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

so a goal of mine for forever has been to work out. ive never had the motive to do it or stuck to it in the past. i even had a gym membership but just didn't go. but i have broken that hold. i have finally consistently been working out about 5 times a week. running and doing fun workouts. i've finally stuck it out.

YEA!!! this is a goal i am going to continue keeping!

update of my life

2008-09-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

so here is an update of my life. you are now looking (well reading) of one of the new members of Mary Kay cosmetics. i know what some of you may be thinking, but it really is an awesome organization. a christian organization with a bunch of women who really want the best for you promoting a number 1 brand. what more could you ask for? ive already made some amazing friends and am learning to pop out of my bubble. it is exciting and scary all at the same time. im scared of failure but at the same time would be failing myself if i didnt even try. you can help me out by visiting my website www.marykay.com/rachbonnet
get a free pampering session or hold a class with you and some friends. its a great way to hang out and i promise it would be a lot of fun :)

other stuff in my life. ive been swamped with school. writing essays, doing homework, studying for tests. its crazy. however...news update. i applied for FGCU today!!! i am ready to branch my wings. ok well ive been ready the past 2 years but i finally have the ability to go away next year. yea to my parents being awesome and getting me florida prepaid, i got an awesome check in the mail from bright futures. help me pay off some of the debt that ive created for myself....thats what i get for getting in an accident. but im actually taking the intiative these days with my school career at the moment. i have actually made an appointment to see an advisor and discuss classes and my future. scary.

besides all of that loveliness. church is busy as ever. i got to play for sawgrass a couple weekends ago (which i love!!!!!!!) and then this past weekend i helped out in the nursery there with lindsey. it was awesome. my arms hurt a bit from holding kids but it was worth it.

well thats a little insight of my life for right now. im finally getting focused and trusting God in what he wants me to do.

PS. CONGRATULATIONS DADDY MATT AND MOMMA JENN!!!! TWINS!!! DOUBLE WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

keep moving on

2008-09-07T16:26:00.000-07:00

Job 6:8 (the message) "All I want is an answer to one prayer, a last request to be honored: Let God step on me—squash me like a bug, and be done with me for good. I'd at least have the satisfaction of not having blasphemed the Holy God, before being pressed past the limits. Where's the strength to keep my hopes up? What future do I have to keep me going? Do you think I have nerves of steel? Do you think I'm made of iron? Do you think I can pull myself up by my bootstraps? Why, I don't even have any boots!"

sometimes i feel like this. i feel like Job pushed past my limits. i know deep down that i can get over whatever it is thats blocking my path but sometimes i feel that im just out of strength. i feel that im out of the game and theres nothing left in me to fight with.

starting new

2008-09-04T14:02:00.001-07:00

well i am officially 19. as of tuesday. pretty sweet.

but yea. i have started something new. i am now waking up early to go running and then doing my devotions after that. it is now the beginning of my day. im excited because i did this today for the first time (knowing that jules would later ask if i had -- thanks accountability) and my day just went great. lately ive been a slacker in my devotions and today really showed the difference it makes.

ive got a new mindset. no more focusing on other people and the drama it entails. instead i am focusing on God and me.

im excited!

school

2008-08-27T19:44:00.001-07:00

well another year has started. classes have begun. friends have left and its the beginning of a new school year.

woo hoo!

you need....

2008-08-22T22:29:00.001-07:00

you know what i hate? i hate when people tell me what i need. that i "need" to do this or do that. what they are saying is usually something i really dont need/want. let me figure out what it is i "need".

gosh. tonight has been so frustrating. why cant people leave and that be that?!?

moving on

2008-08-11T22:01:00.000-07:00

at this point in my life ive been learning to move on. with relationships, my priorities, my passions. its never easy to change and leave what you know. its hard losing those who are closest to you. recently i stepped down from doing first impressions for student ministry and have gone back to being a small group leader. that is what i love to do. first impressions i was ok at but my heart was never fully there. its hard to step away from it because ive been doing it for a while but i know that it is what God wants me to do. as for relationships, a new school year is starting meaning my closest friends are leaving. its hard to say goodbye. things change. people change.

this summer has been a bunch of ups and downs. fun times and rough realities. friendships lost and new ones made. happiness and sadness. but this summer has shown me that i can get through anything...im a stronger woman because of the things ive gone through and i've got God on my side helping me through everyday.

cherish what you have

2008-07-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

so at this moment my car is in the shop getting repaired. the day we left for peru i was on my way to ambers house to get a ride to the airport and bam...i rear-ended someone. i looked down for 2 seconds and didn't give myself enough braking time. for me never being in a real accident or anything before it was extremely scary. however God was with me. while i was freaking out everyone else was calm. my dad showed up to help out and take me to the airport after. the guy who i hit wasn't mad or anything so that was good and the cops were doing everything they could to work with me since i had to be in the airport. for my first accident it was a smooth process even though i know its not usually that way. God was there...i didn't get a ticket and nobody was hurt. and i even made it to the airport a little early.
now its just a matter of getting my car fixed and finding the money to pay my deductable. God works everything out though so i'm not worried. it would be easy to get so stressed over this and worry every waking moment but that wouldn't solve anything. so i just work a little extra and know that it will all be fine in the end.
well thats it for now. later

back home

2008-07-24T22:07:00.001-07:00

well im back to reality. this past week has been unforgettable. what an amazing trip. i have been so blessed to have had the opportunity to go to peru. everything from the people who went to the outreach that we did was awesome. you could see God's hand at work the whole time. as glad as i am to be home i would love to still be there. its amazing to see God working in your life and others. its nuts how i take so many things for granted and just lose sight of what it is God is doing. even through all the stupid issues i deal with here at home its nothing compared to what others are facing. im wonder how did i end up being born here in the united states and not in a shack somewhere else. i definately dont deserve it.

this trip has been completely humbling. i have been so blessed to have the privilege to go. well im exhausted but ill write more about it all later. and there will be pics too.

night :)

leaving

2008-07-17T09:13:00.001-07:00

so today im leaving for peru. woo hoo! im so stoked. this is such a privilege to be able to go and serve others and forget about myself. im excited to see what God has in store for me and everyone else who is going. i know he has big things planned. pray for safe travel, team, and effectiveness.

be back in a week!!!!

thanks to everyone who helped it be possible for me to go :)

so...

2008-07-13T08:33:00.000-07:00

life isnt about how hard times may be but instead how you overcame them (no matter how long it may take)

on my mind

2008-07-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

have you ever wanted to have a face to face conversation with someone but werent sure what to say/how to say it/when to say it?

right now i know this is what i need but i feel like i may never get it. i need that one on one. i just am at a loss in how to get there. i know i deserve that much but its a matter of getting there that i just dont know. its not something that i want done when there are a thousand other people in the other room or something.

just a one on one/face to face conversation. uninterrupted. honest. closure. i deserve that much

why blog?

2008-07-07T21:08:00.000-07:00

lately ive been asked the question why i blog. there are those people who thinks it is silly and dumb. as for me, its kind of like my comfort zone. its like a diary that the world can see. ive never been able to write down my feelings in a journal...thats just not the type of girl i am. my release from things is either through writing songs or blogging. blogging has become my release. for some reason im comfortable with the idea of typing what im feeling and then publishing it. sure that may not be the case with everything i feel but when i need to at that moment i just sit at my laptop and type. for me ill type about an experience and not say names and i feel a whole lot better afterwards. blogging has become an escape where i can say what i need to say and if people dont like it they dont have to read it.

there is my reason for blogging. thanks blogger!

courage is

2008-07-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

i started watching the secret life of an american teenager. its definately an interesting show. my favorite part though is the theme song. courage is. here is the chorus:

courage is

when you're afraid

but you keep on moving

anyway

courage is

when you're in pain

but you keep on moving

anyway

lifes been an interesting roller coaster this past week. but like the song you have to keep moving on. thats what my life is consisting of...moving on.

late night fun

2008-07-02T22:21:00.000-07:00

last night was so much fun. i love being able to hang with the girls and just enjoy ourselves.

heres a little tidbit into our late night fun:

"not what i wanted"

2008-06-29T22:27:00.000-07:00

tonight was a pretty crappy night. "it's not what i want" were the words that sum it up.

well heres what i want:
someone who realizes what he has when he has me
someone who realizes that im ok with him hanging with his friends
someone who realizes that you can take things day by day and not worry about the future right now
someone who realizes im stronger than you think
someone who is willing to take a risk and see how things might work out
someone who isnt afraid to show his feelings
someone who takes the time to call
someone who isnt afraid to be honest with me
someone who stops caring about what his boys think
somoone who realizes that you can have your boys and a girlfriend too
someone who wouldnt even think about hurting me
someone who has his heart set on God
someone who takes a chance
someone who makes an effort
someone who cares

relationships are never easy. they take work...but you have to be willing to work at them. you get annoyed with one another, you fight, but thats what makes it worthwhile. im not an expert at relationships...thats probably why im not in one anymore. but i know what i want and God has that person for me. i just have to wait

i know this blog is probably a little direct and maybe a bit harsh. its not meant to be. this is just my release of some steam.

sorry i wasnt what you wanted

oh wise one

2008-06-11T21:07:00.000-07:00

so tonight i was talking to a pretty smart chick (ms sarah l) and as we were talking she said how with any relationship you have to communicate...you cant just hold it in and then have it all bust out later on. whether it be a friendship,dating, or family. this has always been a struggle with me...especially with those im closest with (like my family). im not the biggest communicater. when it comes to talking about things i would rather bottle it in and not face it. its really not good. so now im trying to be able to communicate with others in a way where im not arguing but instead talking it out. its not easy whatsoever but im trying. i hope that when i am doing so it goes smoothly.

rachel + communication = super hard

"party scene"

2008-06-10T01:48:00.000-07:00

ive never been a part of the "party scene". drinking and smoking was never something that interested me. i just never thought it was necessary because i always had an awesome time without it. the world sees way differently. as i see the seniors of 08 start leaving for college i pray that they learn that they dont have to take that route. so many friends of mine have fallen in their spiritual walk because they decide that they would rather get drunk and "have fun". that being a christian is having too many rules in life. its not about rules. its wanting to live life God's way. you choose to make the right decisions even when you want to turn the other way and know that in the end God will reward you with something greater than the night you got drunk and had some "fun". life just passes you by when you do those things. i dont comprehend why everyone thinks it is so cool. maybe im just a nerd or something. maybe i just hope that people will realize that it isnt necessary and is kinda ridiculous. the world continues to conform to the way of the devil and fall further away from the way God planned.
how many more students will we lose because partying seems to be the more fun route?
when will people begin to change and learn to live God's way even when it isn't the "norm"?

well i think its time to try and hit the sack again. these are my thoughts at 5AM when i cant sleep

stuck

2008-05-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

so at this moment i feel kinda stuck. im not moving forward and im just stuck. i kinda just move through my days like a continuous circle.
i need to get unstuck. i need to move.

asdkfjqpoiewnfjzxv

thats how im feeling. later

the end

2008-05-08T13:08:00.001-07:00

my first year of college has officially come to an end. its been a crazy year. im excited for whats to come. this summer will be amazing.

woo hoo!!! no more school this summer!!!

i love...

2008-05-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

so i love late night runs to mcdonalds and eating in publix parking lots :)

letting go and letting God

2008-04-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

ok. so with everything that is going on now im really trying to live the whole letting go and letting God. all my frustrations and insecurities im not going to worry about. instead im going to trust on the fact that God has it in his hands and i just have to really on him to get me through whatever problems i may be facing. its so awesome to know there is a God who is bigger than all the issues we face in this life and that he is always there no matter how far we may go.

here is my prayer tonight:
God,
let me let go of the things that have been holding me down recently. the struggles ive been facing internally and externally. help me to be confident in who you made me to be and know that it is enough. let me really on you that you have got it all in your hands and your plan is way bigger than mine. let me not be frustrated with the bumps in the road but try to embrace them. let me continue to focus on you in all that i do no matter how many distractions will pop up. let me follow your will and not my own. let me let go and let you take control.

amen

insecurity

2008-04-22T20:27:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt insecure about something? lately i feel like that feeling has overtaken me... like im not good at anything i do. i just keep screwing things up. im not confident in myself and who i am. the littlest things, which dont normally, intimidate me. i feel so out of myself. i know that God made me who i am and that i am perfect the way i am it just feels like im not.

God, help me to be secure in who it is that you made me to be.

i hate insecurity!

love love love

2008-04-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

so i pretty much love the show the office. if you have never watched it you should. jim and pam are my favorite. love this show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

confrontation...no way!

2008-04-17T11:35:00.000-07:00

for me confrontation is something i hate. i would rather just push it under the rug than have to bring something up with someone. i just dont like it. its not me. but i had to take a huge step today and do just that. it wasnt easy but i think the longer you hold something in the more the devil gets a hold and plays mind games with you. in my case i started to think that i wasnt needed and that what i did really didnt amount to anything. finally after being truthful in how i really felt, things have already started to feel better. when you let it out, it makes things so much easier because if you hold it in you just hold a grudge and will end up blowing up later. sometimes you have to confront people no matter how hard it is so that you can move on and get over whatever it is thats bugging you.

ah. i feel so much better!

concert

2008-04-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

so thursday night i went to the one republic concert at fiu. biatti opened for them. it was pretty good. it was awesome to see friends up there playing. here are some pics

patience is a virtue

2008-04-11T23:47:00.000-07:00

one of the biggest things i struggle with is patience. im sure a lot of people do too but lately its been happening even more. ive got to learn that my timing isnt the right way and God's is.

Lord, help me be patient

complicated enough

2008-04-11T09:02:00.001-07:00

so last night i was told that i am a complicated person....hard to read, all the works

what do you think?

stepping back

2008-04-08T07:10:00.001-07:00

this past weekend pastor matt said something that really hit me. it was how no matter what people said (his pastor, dad, friends, whoever) it wasnt until he decided he wanted to change that the change actually occurred. i have had several friends who are like that. friends who are making unwise choices but i cant change their mind. this is huge to me because i hate seeing my friends fall. but there comes a point where you have to step back and just pray for and encourage them to make the right decisions. there is nothing more you can do.
until they decide that they want to change and do better--they wont do it. so as hard as it may be to just watch sometimes theres nothing more you can do. just pray and know that God has something in store.

later ya'll

He Lives!!!!

2008-03-24T11:27:00.000-07:00

HE LIVES!!!! that was what this easter weekend was all about. Jesus lives! how awesome is that?! this weekend was amazing. everything from being a part of the choir to helping out with the youth service just rocked! i am so glad i was able to pitch in. at the youth service the band rocked it and we had a rocking bunny and chicken (battle dancing...it was hilarious). the easter egg hunt was so much fun to watch. then matt miller did an awesome job in his teaching (guilt-forgiveness, God's plan, and sending his son for US). several students stood up and accepted Christ which was awesome!! adding to God's family. then afterwards students were baptized. it was awesome to see that...especially a few that i knew personally (caitlyn, karli). sunday was awesome too! i got the privilege to be in the choir. it was so fun and pumped...i have to say the last hour was my favorite. to be up there and just worshiping together and watching people in the audience worshiping...it truly is an amazing sight. God really worked wonders this weekend...sitting through troy's message and watching how many people came to the front to accept Christ was amazing! to know it happened at each of the services!! wow. God is so amazing!!!!

here is a part of the song the choir sang that has been in my head since before the services which started friday...what an awesome thing to know he lives!

He lives
He lives
Conquered the grave
Covered our sin
He lives
He lives
Death could not hold the promise within
He's alive
Death where is your sting
He's alive
Grave your victory
He's alive
Jesus holds the key
He reigns
Forever and ever

i love

2008-03-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

i love being able to go to breakfast with my best friend jules and just catch up on everything that is going in our lives. its awesome that no matter how far the distance...when we get together things are the same.

yummy breakfast!

regret

2008-03-13T15:01:00.000-07:00

have you ever had regret? one of the things i hate most is having regret. when i do things i think about it before i make the final decision...i dont like having regrets afterwards. right now one decision i made is continually hitting home. it seems to constantly creep up when i dont expect it. tonight it did. i miss being a part of something and feeling like i was making an impact. what sucks most is that i couldve gone an alternate route. had it been brought up or had i thought about it i wouldve snatched it in a heartbeat. but because of my stubbornness things wont change and ill continue having this regret and hurt without anything changing. its not an easy thing to overcome but im praying for strength. i wish i could just go far away and forget my problems but that isnt reality. i wish this phase of my life would end and another one would start already.

oh wells. enough of my ranting. time to face reality.

frustration

2008-03-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

right now i would describe myself as frustrated. frustrated with a lot that is going on in my life. i feel hurt and taken advantage of. i dont know why i just feel apart from everyone. i doubt anyone else would understand why im feeling this way but i am. at moments i just want to rip out my hair!!

craziness!!!

2008-03-06T14:26:00.000-08:00

life has been pretty crazy the past couple weeks. from school to work to helping out at the church my time to blog has been pretty slim. well right now i am on spring break which is slowly wrapping up. it has been great. God has placed into my life some amazing friends. people who i never thought i would hang out with im hanging with every single night. its awesome. God has also opened my eyes that change is possible. how someone once was can become a thing of the past. i am reading purpose driven life and on one of the days it was talking about restoring relationships...its never too late to restore a relationship. especially if it is another brother or sister in Christ. forgive always. cross over the bridge.
now the past couple weeks havent been all peachy. i lost my jumpdrive which has a lot of stuff i need on it. ive gotten in a couple arguments with my mom and sister. its been ups and downs but all an adventure. i am getting to understand myself better...which may be weird to say but im learning how to be me...goofball and all.
i really am grateful for all the opportunities i have been given. a great job, the opportunity to go on another mission trip. awesome friends. God has blessed me...who knows why. but i am grateful for all i have been given. now im working on giving back. its never an easy road to travel but its one worth traveling

decisions decisions decisions

2008-02-18T15:25:00.000-08:00

mission trip. i get the great privilege of going on another mission trip to peru. i have been there twice before and they have both been unbelievable, overwhelming experiences. this picture here is of my trip last year. it is at an all girls orphanage. the little girl i am holding is named andrea. the whole time there she clung to me which was such an awesome thing. when she went to go get her goodies that we brought she ran back to show me. she gave me the opportunity to just love on her. show her that i cared and that she was special and important. it was such an awesome experience. once we had left i found out she had just been brought there a week before. her mother had left her and she had been taken to this orphanage...the one i would be at a week later. in a new environment and completely unaware of her own surroundings and not knowing who the heck i was she still let me love on her. this is such a hard decision because it is something that i am extremely passionate about. missions, music, and the youth ministry are my 3 passions. i am trying to do what God wants me to do and not just what i want to do...cause if i were doing what i want to do id be on a plane right now. i pray that God grants me the wisdom on what the right decision to make is.

insight anyone???

i love my small group

2008-02-11T19:10:00.000-08:00

so tonight i went to college bible study...my monday ritual. i wasnt planning on going tonight because i have a ginormous test tomorrow morning (bright and early...8 am). however with leahs persistence i decided to go. what most people dont know about me is that i am a very to myself kinda person. talking about personal stuff is not me and theres just some things i would rather not subject my ears to. also i dont open up very easily. there are few people who know exactly what is going on in my mind and what really lies under my skin. these "young women" (as carson says) have become a part of my life. i have learned to open up to them when i didnt think i would be able to just because the type of person i am. they have been there to encourage me, help me out when im down in the dumps, make sure i am on the right track with God, and pray for me (the night before a big test). i thank God for placing them in my life. He has always put people in my life when ive needed someone.

well i should be getting back to my studying..woo hoo. well tomorrow is my big test, work, the gym, and then girls night with the girls from small group. tomorrow is looking good. haha. well goodnight for now.

letting go

2008-02-10T20:12:00.001-08:00

over a year ago my grandma passed away. its never easy losing a loved one especially when it is sudden and unexpected. tonight i was listening to a song and she popped in my mind. i didnt realize how much i missed her. she was the kind of person who loved everyone. whenever we went out she met someone knew and found a way how they knew someone in common or something. for me, it never really hit me that she was gone until recently. i wasnt able to go to her funeral and since she lived in puerto rico...it just never hit me. i know she is in a better place but i still miss her. i miss her encouragement and love when i got to see her. or how no matter how bad of a mood i was in she always put a smile on my face. its good to reminiscince on the memories. ill always miss her but i know shes watching down on me.

love you grandma.

start to listen

2008-01-31T19:11:00.000-08:00

yesterday i was reading a devotion thing and it was about asking God to speak to us...but more importantly to help us to listen as well. this really hit me. dont just speak but help me listen. so many times i ask God to speak to me, give me some wisdom, tell me what to do but then i dont listen to his response. sometimes because i dont want to hear the response or i just forget to open my ears. i think i tend to do this a lot. im so involved in how i want it to turn out and that i plan it going one way and i ask God for help but i dont wait around to hear his input. i just think mine is the one that is right. ive got 2 ears i just need to start using them. its not easy...in fact it is one of the biggest things i struggle with. i need to learn to listen. the answers may come through a gentle whisper (1 kings 19:12). through a friend who is looking out for my best interest. whatever it may be...i need to open my ears and listen to what it is God has to say

queen of procrastination

2008-01-27T18:05:00.000-08:00

right now i am the queen of procrastination. i have a ginormous test tomorrow night and i am doing just about anything to prevent from studying for it...as to be blogging right now. i know i havent blogged in a while as to life has been insane. its hard to even get a moment to breath. right now i need focus.

AHHHH help!!!

awesome weekend!!!

2008-01-21T10:02:00.000-08:00

i dont think i could have asked for a better weekend!! everything in student ministry went so smooth. starting saturday afternoon. the band all got there and practiced. slide were done in a good amount of time. by 3:30 everything for that night was already set up and ready to go...no glitches thank goodness. danny led the band which was awesome. i got the privilege of singing with them which was awesome. then students began to pour in for the services. i was so excited to see that there was 91 students for the high school service...and not to mention the fact that we had like 45 students at winter camp. matt did a phenomenal job teaching. i miss hearing him so it was like a breath of fresh air this weekend. so saturday--to say the least--went rather smoothly. sunday morning went well too. we had a good amount of students. i became kyle johnson this weekend because i had to do slides during the 2nd and 3rd service so we hooked up a mic upstairs so i could do both. it was great! even with our lack of leaders we managed to have a leader for every table. nestor did a great job too. thanks to all those who helped this weekend...jeremy doing an amazing job in sound, patti with all she did, jamie with the doughnuts, amy and her help with western sizzlin announcement (in our amazing western voices, hey ya'll), and everyone else. this weekend wouldnt have gone the way it did without everyone stepping up since chad, holly, and carson was gone. thanks for the prayer...God really helped in just making everything as smooth as possible. awesome weekend!!!

suprise suprise

2008-01-18T09:57:00.001-08:00

so today i received an unexpected gift. im at work and a delivery guy shows up with a beautiful bouquet of roses...for me. suprised would be the least of my expressions. i love the flowers but am unaware of the sender. for now i guess it will remain a mystery. suprises brighten the darkest days

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all shapes and sizes

2008-01-18T07:41:00.000-08:00

so im beginning to learn that the lesson of maturity comes in all different ways. whether you want it to happen or not, it does. it's called growing up. in some aspects of my life i would love to have stayed a kid forever. i wouldnt have to worry about responsibilities of "being an adult" (bills, insurance, etc). no such luck. im growing up and im getting all the lovely treasures that go with it. last night was one huge realization of me growing up...i watched as the high school youth left for winter camp. this is the first year of me not going. as hard as it was hearing the "oh i wish you were going" and "are you having wishful thinking" i managed. it is a bummer to not be able to go and watch as students experience a time separate from the outside world and just God focused. but at the same time i am extremely excited about this weekend. i get to be holly/carson for the weekend. i am very honored that they have left this responsibility to me. it means a lot. so while i may not have been able to go to winter camp i have been given another adventure to undertake. i pray that everything goes smoothly and that everyone at camp has a great time. ill let ya know how this weekend goes.

im excited!

hardcore rebels

2008-01-14T17:55:00.000-08:00

so yesterday i went and did something completely impuslive. carson and i went and got our cartilages pierced. we talked about it saturday and ended up going on sunday. how crazy is that?!? the drive there was nuts. it was full of insane nervousness, never ending laughter and complete excitement. when we got there we both got so quiet. we would say something and then just sat there breathing. finally the guy called us back. i went first. he put on his headphones and just started jamming out. so i sat there, nervous as can be, and closed my eyes. after a couple minutes i was done and walked out. carson was up next. i watched for a second but couldnt. all i heard was her say "this is horribly painful". in the end we both were finished with our brand new piercings and ride home not believing that we had done it. im going to change the stud to a smaller one but for now its ok. carson and i now have a story...we are hardcore rebels. haha. here are some pics of us afterwords.

never ending

2008-01-12T06:18:00.001-08:00

this picture is an image of what my life feels like at the moment. it is like a never ending road. it just keeps going and going and i cant see where it stops. tonight was the first night in several where i just stayed home and relax (and that isn't something i normally do on a friday night). work has been insane and im there past when im suppose to every day. not to mention school has started up so add that to my plate. as my dad would say, "im getting a taste of the real world". the world we live in is crazy. like shop till ya drop its work until you cant work anymore. i realized these past 2 weeks that i have been getting so busy that i have been forgetting the little things like contact with close friends. i finally planned a get together for my old homegroup (jenn's homegroup!!!!!) for us all to go to dinner. so far everyone is going. im so excited. these girls have been there for me and always been straight up with me when they had to. it is awesome how God places people in your life just when you need them the most.

well i have got to go...big day.
peace.

summoned to lead

2008-01-09T18:28:00.000-08:00

im in the process of reading this book called summoned to lead. when i say in the process i mean i started reading it a couple months ago and im only on page 14. lets just say i havent had a lot of time to read it. something that really stuck out to me was this...

"leaders are neither born nor made. leaders are summoned. they are called into existence by circumstances. those who rise to the occasion are leaders."

i never thought about it this way before i read this. "leaders are summoned"...God summons us to lead in different circumstances. ive seen people be leaders and followers. for me i have felt for sometime that God has been calling me to lead the youth first impressions team. i have been trying to do that. i know i havent given it my 100% attention at the moment because honestly my plate is very full. also to be honest...im afraid of failing. every leader that has attempted to make this team work hasnt. i dont want to be another one of those leaders. i know that i cant focus on that because if i do i will never get anywhere. i just need ideas and a kick in the rear end to get me going.

i need some creativity!!!!!!!!!!!! got any?

a new direction??

2008-01-08T17:39:00.000-08:00

so i took a leap of faith and decided to play keys in big church this weekend. i think fear has been a big part of my decision not to play there. it was weird how right after i decided to not be in the youth band anymore i get asked to play this weekend in big church. it was very tempting to say no and not give it a chance but then it would be like putting the talents God has given me in the garbage. i dont want to do that. He has blessed me with them so i'm going to try them out in big church. i dont know how it will go or anything...i pray that i do well and dont get too nervous.

this is a big step for me. i dont know what is going to happen or if i'll hate it and never want to do it again. i feel very privileged that they want me to play. it all is to give glory to God and that is what i intend to do. we'll see how it goes.

later ya'll.

2008-01-08T10:41:00.001-08:00

Im blogging from my phone. How cool is that?!?

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lettting go

2008-01-04T04:16:00.000-08:00

i'm finally letting go. for a while i have been holding onto the youth band. i loved singing and playing keys so i stayed in it. after realizing some stuff i decided to step down. last night i sent an email saying that this weekend would be my last. this isn't something easy for me. as much as i love it and dont want to, i had to. my high school days are over. im not going to play for the big church band either...im not a good enough singer and for what they want to play keys im not there. so this is the end of my band days. ill continue to praise and worship from the sidelines. its not easy letting go and it will hurt at first but im hoping that ill get over it soon.

hopes fallen

2008-01-03T11:55:00.000-08:00

have you ever gotten your hopes up about something and then had them shot down? that just happened to me. i guess i should have expected it...known it was going to happen. but no, i got my hopes up and now im bummed. i thought with everything i had been doing that maybe. now i just have to hold my head high and get over it. man...right now is the dumps

i believe in love

2007-12-31T10:02:00.000-08:00

i believe in the sun, even when it's not shining
i believe in love, even when i don't feel it
i believe in God, even when He is silent
and i, i believe
-- barlowgirl

these are the chorus lyrics for the song i believe in love by barlowgirl. this song just really grabbed my heart in how true this is. you know the sun will come out eventually and you know love is there even when it's not felt at times. God is silent sometimes but i think its more that...i think it is our ears are closed. i couldnt tell you how many times my ears are closed because there would be too many to name. God hasnt forgotten anyone, He made us. so even when He is silent or my ears are closed, i will continue to believe in Him

the reason for the season

2007-12-25T16:04:00.000-08:00

wow what a day! its been insane. the past couple days have been hard. i got into a huge argument with my parents and ended up leaving and not coming home until this morning (christmas morning). i finally realized when waking up this morning that i didnt want to miss out on today. it wasnt about opening up the presents or chowing down on food but i didnt want to miss out on reading the christmas story as a family. every year we start off christmas morning with that. and thats how i want to keep it. that is the real reason for the season. Jesus being born in a manger and later dying for our sins. how amazing is that??? why in the world he did that i will never know. it just shows his unending love for us. he really is the reason for the season.

thank you Jesus. for being born and bearing the cross. it was a price you shouldn't have had to pay but you did it anyways. thank you. happy birthday Jesus!!!

falling in place

2007-12-21T18:59:00.000-08:00

things to be finally falling into place. last night was amazing! we had our first ever youth christmas service. it started with staff lip singing nsync and then the eggnog challenge video (a bunch of high school boys puking). then javan sang deck the halls...amazingly. dans winter camp video was amazing and then alvin and the chipmunks came out. o holy night, have yourself a merry christmas, and the christmas song were hung and then chad came out and spoke. victoria (an 8th grade student) then sang my redeemer lives. the coolest part was at the very end before people got baptized there was just a moment of worship as we sang came to my rescue. it was truly awesome.

christmas is only a couple days away and i cant wait. so many times i get caught up in the gifts and decorations that i forget the real meaning of christmas. had it not been for a baby in the manger there would be no christmas or salvation. he truly is the reason for the season. i pray that i continue to remember the real reason for christmas.

tomorrow is our band meeting. its going to be awesome! night ya'll!

late nights

2007-12-16T21:36:00.000-08:00

so...ive just written 2 blogs and its 12:37 am and i cant fall asleep (if i could i wouldnt be sitting here typing these).

for some reason all the things that have happened in recent weeks have been playing over in my mind. stress is something that has been in my everyday world. its like tonight i have been hit by an emotional whirlwind. i know God never gives you more than you can handle but i think to myself that i cant do this. i feel like i am an ant in this huge world.

im the type of person takes things personally and its not always the best trait. its hard for me to see close friends making unwise choices. what makes it worse is that you dont have their other friends keep them accountable. i know keeping one another accountable is never easy but in order to be a good friend its something you have got to do. im learning that i have to realize that i cant make decisions for other people or force them to do something. sometimes you just have to be there for them as they make these decisions and say what you can but nothing more. they have got to learn it on their own. its never easy but it is what has to be done.

right now im in need of strength and trust. strength to get me through these days and to continue to trust that God is here through it all even though i may not feel it

goodnight.

reunion

2007-12-16T21:30:00.000-08:00

tonight we had our homegroup christmas party. yes our homegroup has ended since college has started and homegroup was our high school years but we have not ended the friendships. drifted apart a bit but we have all made a pact to get together when we are all back home. we are definately an interesting group of girls. you've got smarts and sarcasm bottled into one. it is definately an interesting mixture.

its funny how you can be apart for so long and then reunite and everything is the same. our friendship is like that. we can not see each other forever yet when we do it is like we havent seen each other in a day or so.

i thank God for the friends he has blessed me with. new and old. he has blessed me with friends who are close to my heart and have been there for me through thick and thin. i would not be where i am had it not been for the friends i have. thank you to those who have dealt with me (even in my worst times...which i know there have been plenty).

later ya'll.

world of blogging

2007-12-16T21:27:00.000-08:00

i have entered into the world of bloggers. i decided that this is a good place to let out the many thoughts that i have and just have a way to release the emotions i can sometimes bottle inside.

hello to the blog world.